This weekend I did the detox, and I thought it went pretty well. It rained all weekend which made me sleepy, so I managed to sleep in way too late. Inspite of that this morning I weighed in at 200.0! That's a total loss for last week of 3.2 pounds, and it puts me right on track for my mini goal! I'm super excited to be on track with that, and I look forward to seeing how this week goes.
Over the weekend my fibromyalgia flared up pretty bad, which was part of the reason for so much sleeping. It made my hips and legs hurt so bad I could hardly move at all. I managed some stretching last night before bed that helped some, but it was definitely rough. This also meant that other than a 2 hour grocery shopping trip I didn't do much exercise over the weekend. And I'll admit to not getting up to exercise this morning, I wanted to, but the pain was just too much and it woke me up frequently during the night. I plan to do some walking today that will hopefully losen the muscles and relax my joints a little.
I did get my first workout dvd in the mail from netflix, Jillian Michaels:30 day shred! I'm excited and a little nervous, but I hope to try it out tomorrow morning. I will probably do some more stretching this evening to relieve the pain a little more in preparation.
Overall, last week was fantastic! I managed to keep up with my mini goal, got up to exercise, and I felt great!
Stats:
Mini goal 2
Lost week 2: 3.2 lbs
Left to 179: 21 lbs
9 weeks left
Ultimate goal
Week 9
Total lost: 15.8 lbs
Left to 145: 55 lbs!
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Showing posts with label motivations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivations. Show all posts
Monday, March 28, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Mini Goal Report 3!
This morning's weigh in had me doing a little dance in the bathroom (where I keep my scale)! I lost 1 whole pound from Wednesday's weigh in! That is the first time I have lost that much, and had a loss at the previous weigh in. Every other time I've had a slight gain the WI before, and then a big loss. This time I got a small loss, 0.4 lbs, and then a big loss 1.0 lbs! It feels good to know that all my efforts are making a difference in my life, and I'm making progress towards my goal. I've lost a full 14 pounds in 8 weeks! This mini goal will have me with 36.8 pounds gone forever in 18 weeks. I just don't think it gets much better than that!
This morning I got up and tried the 10 Minute solution Kick box bootcamp workout. I got through the basic training, which was only the first ten minutes. I was pretty winded at that point, so I did not continue. But hopefully I will be vastly improving in my fitness over the next few weeks. Jillian Michaels: 30 Day Shred is on it's way to me from netflix right now. I'm really looking forward to doing it. I'll be honest and say I am a little intimidated, I've heard that it is really hard, and it will take me awhile to get the hang of it. Mostly due to the fact that my coordination at 7 something am is not too good. This morning I stubbled through a few parts, but I made the effort and I didn't get annoyed and quit at the first sign of klumsiness. Which has been my tendency with workout videos in the past.
Over the weekend I plan to walk the dog, or at least play with the dog outside. I have grocery shopping to do. And I am also starting my 2 day detox on Saturday morning! I'm really looking forward to my WI on Monday, where my target weight will be 200.0 lbs. I would love to exceed that, but will be happy if I'm just able to meet it.
Yesterday a friend who is aware of my efforts at losing weight, called me skinny girl. I was speechless, no one has ever used those words to describe me in my life. NEVER! It made me realize just how big of a difference 14 pounds has made in my appearance and how I feel about myself. I'm not quite at the point where I'm comfortable moving down a dress size, mostly because of how tight my current size was before I started losing weight. I think in the next 10 lbs or so all the clothes that I've been hanging on to, but have avoided trying on will be pulled out. And much of what I am wearing now will be removed from my wardrobe.
I've been looking back over the last few days and remembering how I used to look. When I was 175 lbs I still thought I was unbelievably fat, but I felt a lot better about myself because I knew I'd lost 25 lbs. I knew I looked better, but I didn't appreciate how much better. I think of when I was in the 180's and the 190's and I hated it, I was so disgusted with myself and now I can't wait to see what my 190's and then 180's body looks like. Until my 12th grade year I had not been on a scale since I was in the 6th grade. So in all that time I have no idea what I weighed when, and I know my body image was very skewed. That makes it really tough for me to visualise what I will be like at 170, 160, 150 and so on, until I reach my goal. I do know one thing, I want lean and firm muscles. And not just lean and firm abs, although that one might be the biggest challenge. But lean and firm thighs, butt, and arms. I want that general flabby feeling to be exercised out of this body.
I have a huge pet peeve, it's this statement. "weight is just a number." Who came up with something so incredibly wish washy and unhelpful a statement as that? It's an excuse only! It basically says,"don't worry about your weight, feel good about yourself no matter how you look or how healthy you are." Now who would actually come out and say that? Because we all know that how we feel about ourselves is directly connected to what we percieve our appearance to be. How we feel is directly connected to our health, it's hard to be positive and enjoy life if you have no energy or are facing heart disease, diabetes, joint break down, etc. Weight has a direct coorellation to our health, our self-image and body-image. Not to say that making our weight ideal will resolve all health issues, or all self/body image issues. But I do believe, that for the most part it makes it easier. The other key ingredient in feeling good about ourselves and being healthy is having the ability to be real and honest with ourselves without beating ourselves up, or being deraugatory. My weight was a lot easier to face when I started being honest with myself, at that point I was released from shame and embarassment. And I could just accept myself wherever I am in my life.
Stats time!
Mini goal week 2
Lost: 2.8 lbs so far
Left to Goal: 22.8
9 weeks left
Ultimate goal week 8
Lost: 14 lbs
Left to Goal:56.8lbs
This morning I got up and tried the 10 Minute solution Kick box bootcamp workout. I got through the basic training, which was only the first ten minutes. I was pretty winded at that point, so I did not continue. But hopefully I will be vastly improving in my fitness over the next few weeks. Jillian Michaels: 30 Day Shred is on it's way to me from netflix right now. I'm really looking forward to doing it. I'll be honest and say I am a little intimidated, I've heard that it is really hard, and it will take me awhile to get the hang of it. Mostly due to the fact that my coordination at 7 something am is not too good. This morning I stubbled through a few parts, but I made the effort and I didn't get annoyed and quit at the first sign of klumsiness. Which has been my tendency with workout videos in the past.
Over the weekend I plan to walk the dog, or at least play with the dog outside. I have grocery shopping to do. And I am also starting my 2 day detox on Saturday morning! I'm really looking forward to my WI on Monday, where my target weight will be 200.0 lbs. I would love to exceed that, but will be happy if I'm just able to meet it.
Yesterday a friend who is aware of my efforts at losing weight, called me skinny girl. I was speechless, no one has ever used those words to describe me in my life. NEVER! It made me realize just how big of a difference 14 pounds has made in my appearance and how I feel about myself. I'm not quite at the point where I'm comfortable moving down a dress size, mostly because of how tight my current size was before I started losing weight. I think in the next 10 lbs or so all the clothes that I've been hanging on to, but have avoided trying on will be pulled out. And much of what I am wearing now will be removed from my wardrobe.
I've been looking back over the last few days and remembering how I used to look. When I was 175 lbs I still thought I was unbelievably fat, but I felt a lot better about myself because I knew I'd lost 25 lbs. I knew I looked better, but I didn't appreciate how much better. I think of when I was in the 180's and the 190's and I hated it, I was so disgusted with myself and now I can't wait to see what my 190's and then 180's body looks like. Until my 12th grade year I had not been on a scale since I was in the 6th grade. So in all that time I have no idea what I weighed when, and I know my body image was very skewed. That makes it really tough for me to visualise what I will be like at 170, 160, 150 and so on, until I reach my goal. I do know one thing, I want lean and firm muscles. And not just lean and firm abs, although that one might be the biggest challenge. But lean and firm thighs, butt, and arms. I want that general flabby feeling to be exercised out of this body.
I have a huge pet peeve, it's this statement. "weight is just a number." Who came up with something so incredibly wish washy and unhelpful a statement as that? It's an excuse only! It basically says,"don't worry about your weight, feel good about yourself no matter how you look or how healthy you are." Now who would actually come out and say that? Because we all know that how we feel about ourselves is directly connected to what we percieve our appearance to be. How we feel is directly connected to our health, it's hard to be positive and enjoy life if you have no energy or are facing heart disease, diabetes, joint break down, etc. Weight has a direct coorellation to our health, our self-image and body-image. Not to say that making our weight ideal will resolve all health issues, or all self/body image issues. But I do believe, that for the most part it makes it easier. The other key ingredient in feeling good about ourselves and being healthy is having the ability to be real and honest with ourselves without beating ourselves up, or being deraugatory. My weight was a lot easier to face when I started being honest with myself, at that point I was released from shame and embarassment. And I could just accept myself wherever I am in my life.
Stats time!
Mini goal week 2
Lost: 2.8 lbs so far
Left to Goal: 22.8
9 weeks left
Ultimate goal week 8
Lost: 14 lbs
Left to Goal:56.8lbs
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Mini Goal Report 2
Hey everyone! This morning I finally got my keester out of bed and exercised. To prepare last night I added a bunch of workouts to the instant queue on netflix, then I watched the one I wanted to try start to finish without doing it. Crunch: cardio salsa. It looked really fun, and a few of the moves were very familiar. So I put it on this morning and I discovered that my coordination at 7:20am is lacking greatly! I switched to a yoga workout. Which I had done before, it is very beginner, and very relaxing. I enjoyed it, but I think I need a workout with a little more oomph. I'm looking forward to my netflix dvd getting here next week I have quite the assortment in both dvd queues. Here's a list, feel free to comment on any you may have tried.
DVD Queue
1. Jillian Michaels: 30 day shred- this is going to kick my butt! I'm looking forward to it though. Once I have mastered the whole thing I plan to send it back and move on. I will do that with all the workouts I like.
2.The Biggest Loser: Weight loss yoga
3. Leslie Sansone: Walk your belly fat
4.Dance Fitness for beginners-Joby Brava
5.Jillian Michaels for beginners: Backside- I'm looking forward to the frontside of this workout becoming available on netflix.
6.The Biggest Loser: The Workout: Cardio Max Weight Loss
7. The Biggest Loser: The workout: power walk
8. Jillian Michaels: Yoga Meltdown
9. Jillian Michaels: No more trouble zones
10. Yoga Booty Ballet: Complete discs 1-3 -This just plain looks like fun. I always wanted to learn ballet as a kid, I guess that's never really gone away.
11.Trainers Edge
12. The trainers edge: Fiesta Fitness Dance
13.Ballet Conditioning
My Instant queue is rather long, but it is mostly Crunch workouts, and a few misc yoga workouts.
I am doing the dvds because I really need to step up my game if I'm going to make it to my goal in less than 10 weeks. On Wednesday my weigh in was 202.8, down .4 from Monday. Which is great, but not enough to cut it. To be on track with my goal I need to weigh in at 200 this coming Monday. My new workouts are going to make a significant difference, and I'm looking forward to seeing results from it. The other thing I am doing is a 2 day detox on Saturday's and Sunday's every weekend until I reach my mini goal. I think I've mentioned this 2 day detox before, it's very simple and easy to follow. And here's the best part, effective!
I want to get to my ultimate goal as healthy and quickly as possible. Because the step after that, and maybe the hardest part will be learning to maintain my weight. Thats the real challenge I think, keeping this going throughout my life.
Here is my stat update
Week 2
Lost: 0.4 (as of Wednesday)
To Mini Goal: 23.8 lbs
Current weight: 202.8
Measurements
Old Bust: 45" - New Bust: 44" =Lost: 1"
Old Waist: 41" - New Waist: 38" = Lost 3"
Old Thigh: 26" - New Thigh: 25" =Lost 1"
Old Hips: 50 - New Hips: 47 = Lost 3"
For a total of 8" lost in 5 weeks.
I'm very excited about that, but I'm also ready to really step things up. Because the reality is, I've been lazy about my exercise. I think it was okay, because I took the last few weeks to really get my eating plan down, and be adjusted and used to it. I'm ready for another change, and more hard work!
DVD Queue
1. Jillian Michaels: 30 day shred- this is going to kick my butt! I'm looking forward to it though. Once I have mastered the whole thing I plan to send it back and move on. I will do that with all the workouts I like.
2.The Biggest Loser: Weight loss yoga
3. Leslie Sansone: Walk your belly fat
4.Dance Fitness for beginners-Joby Brava
5.Jillian Michaels for beginners: Backside- I'm looking forward to the frontside of this workout becoming available on netflix.
6.The Biggest Loser: The Workout: Cardio Max Weight Loss
7. The Biggest Loser: The workout: power walk
8. Jillian Michaels: Yoga Meltdown
9. Jillian Michaels: No more trouble zones
10. Yoga Booty Ballet: Complete discs 1-3 -This just plain looks like fun. I always wanted to learn ballet as a kid, I guess that's never really gone away.
11.Trainers Edge
12. The trainers edge: Fiesta Fitness Dance
13.Ballet Conditioning
My Instant queue is rather long, but it is mostly Crunch workouts, and a few misc yoga workouts.
I am doing the dvds because I really need to step up my game if I'm going to make it to my goal in less than 10 weeks. On Wednesday my weigh in was 202.8, down .4 from Monday. Which is great, but not enough to cut it. To be on track with my goal I need to weigh in at 200 this coming Monday. My new workouts are going to make a significant difference, and I'm looking forward to seeing results from it. The other thing I am doing is a 2 day detox on Saturday's and Sunday's every weekend until I reach my mini goal. I think I've mentioned this 2 day detox before, it's very simple and easy to follow. And here's the best part, effective!
I want to get to my ultimate goal as healthy and quickly as possible. Because the step after that, and maybe the hardest part will be learning to maintain my weight. Thats the real challenge I think, keeping this going throughout my life.
Here is my stat update
Week 2
Lost: 0.4 (as of Wednesday)
To Mini Goal: 23.8 lbs
Current weight: 202.8
Measurements
Old Bust: 45" - New Bust: 44" =Lost: 1"
Old Waist: 41" - New Waist: 38" = Lost 3"
Old Thigh: 26" - New Thigh: 25" =Lost 1"
Old Hips: 50 - New Hips: 47 = Lost 3"
For a total of 8" lost in 5 weeks.
I'm very excited about that, but I'm also ready to really step things up. Because the reality is, I've been lazy about my exercise. I think it was okay, because I took the last few weeks to really get my eating plan down, and be adjusted and used to it. I'm ready for another change, and more hard work!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Anniversary
Today is a special day in my life. Firstly it is the my sister Michelle's birthday! I want to say a huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY to her, I miss her very much, we live way too far apart.
Second, Mar 22nd is the first day that my husband let me know how he felt about me. That was three years ago, after talking all night long. I wanted to get off the call, and let him go to sleep. He said,"No, I'll miss you too much." So much for us being "just friends" lol.
Thirdly, and most appropriately for this post, the one year anniversary since I set out on my weight loss journey. Wow! I realized that a little while ago, and it shocked me. At times it has felt like it dragged on and on, and I would never make any progress. But the time has also flown by. So much has happened in my life, and in my journey. At first I did my best to sift through the information about weight loss on the internet, what do the experts say? I put together the best program I could possibly manage by myself, and without guidance to know what was complete bunk.
I started out with a food journal, I counted my calories and measured my servings with gusto for several months. I exercised with enthusiasm, and I saw myself improve. I still ate things that weren't too good for me, I tried for the healthier alternative to really unhealthy food choices. I succeeded from March until the beginning of June. In June I hit a road block, I ran out of B.C. and started to not feel too well. It was also the one year anniversary of some very difficult trials in my life. I just really struggled, and essentially gave up many of the good habits I had started developing. I slowly gained back the weight I had lost.
Around September I started to put in more effort, I worked hard, but I just didn't quite manage it. I bounced around with the same 3-5 pounds and I just couldn't break through. I gave up yet again. Up until the middle on February I gained all the way back to 215. I was very upset, and very unhappy with how I felt and looked. To put it bluntly I felt so completely unattractive that I could hardly stand to get out of bed in the morning.
In December a friend shared their struggle with weight loss, and how they felt about it. They also shared what they were doing. They had replaced breakfast and lunch with a protein bar, then ate whatever they wanted and dinner, and on weekends. It was working. I decided to give it a shot, at first I lost a little maybe 3 pounds. Then I started gain, and fast! I just could not stop being starving, I mean so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the rider! My grandma used to say that lol.
In February I got the email from Tiffany, and she put my in touch with Jae. I am truely grateful for that event in my life. If I hadn't met Jae I really think I would have given up. I was having such a hard time losing even the smallest amount of weight. The program that Jae helped me get on, and is helping me follow has changed everything about this journey. It's especially changed the way I look at my body, and my health. And it has really changed the way I look at food.
You could say I've come full circle and then some! This time last year I was motivated, I was so determined and excited to change. I also thought that I would just make it work for me, and it would keep working for me, and I would never let myself quit or slip up. Boy, was I wrong. But I'm definitely stronger for the experience, the frustration, the successes, and the disappointments. I know this will be an up and down road, there will be plenty of bumps. What matters the most is how I handle the bumps. Do I reach for a spoon and bucket of ice cream, or do I continue with my routine. The healthy foods that I enjoy.
The number one tip I read about and thought was complete idiocy that I use now. Drink more water. I drink before I eat, I drink water while eating, I drink water after I eat. I drink water when I feel bored, and normally would have snacked. Only after I drink more water, and still feel hungry do I get a snack. And then I make every effort to stay within my daily serving plan. I LOVE carrots lol, it's my favorite snack food.
I'm beginning to get compliments about the weight I have lost. My sister in law saw me the other day, and she said,"Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!" Wow that made me feel great! Everyone else in my life I see so often that it's harder to notice.
So Cheers to this last year and all I've learned!
Second, Mar 22nd is the first day that my husband let me know how he felt about me. That was three years ago, after talking all night long. I wanted to get off the call, and let him go to sleep. He said,"No, I'll miss you too much." So much for us being "just friends" lol.
Thirdly, and most appropriately for this post, the one year anniversary since I set out on my weight loss journey. Wow! I realized that a little while ago, and it shocked me. At times it has felt like it dragged on and on, and I would never make any progress. But the time has also flown by. So much has happened in my life, and in my journey. At first I did my best to sift through the information about weight loss on the internet, what do the experts say? I put together the best program I could possibly manage by myself, and without guidance to know what was complete bunk.
I started out with a food journal, I counted my calories and measured my servings with gusto for several months. I exercised with enthusiasm, and I saw myself improve. I still ate things that weren't too good for me, I tried for the healthier alternative to really unhealthy food choices. I succeeded from March until the beginning of June. In June I hit a road block, I ran out of B.C. and started to not feel too well. It was also the one year anniversary of some very difficult trials in my life. I just really struggled, and essentially gave up many of the good habits I had started developing. I slowly gained back the weight I had lost.
Around September I started to put in more effort, I worked hard, but I just didn't quite manage it. I bounced around with the same 3-5 pounds and I just couldn't break through. I gave up yet again. Up until the middle on February I gained all the way back to 215. I was very upset, and very unhappy with how I felt and looked. To put it bluntly I felt so completely unattractive that I could hardly stand to get out of bed in the morning.
In December a friend shared their struggle with weight loss, and how they felt about it. They also shared what they were doing. They had replaced breakfast and lunch with a protein bar, then ate whatever they wanted and dinner, and on weekends. It was working. I decided to give it a shot, at first I lost a little maybe 3 pounds. Then I started gain, and fast! I just could not stop being starving, I mean so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the rider! My grandma used to say that lol.
In February I got the email from Tiffany, and she put my in touch with Jae. I am truely grateful for that event in my life. If I hadn't met Jae I really think I would have given up. I was having such a hard time losing even the smallest amount of weight. The program that Jae helped me get on, and is helping me follow has changed everything about this journey. It's especially changed the way I look at my body, and my health. And it has really changed the way I look at food.
You could say I've come full circle and then some! This time last year I was motivated, I was so determined and excited to change. I also thought that I would just make it work for me, and it would keep working for me, and I would never let myself quit or slip up. Boy, was I wrong. But I'm definitely stronger for the experience, the frustration, the successes, and the disappointments. I know this will be an up and down road, there will be plenty of bumps. What matters the most is how I handle the bumps. Do I reach for a spoon and bucket of ice cream, or do I continue with my routine. The healthy foods that I enjoy.
The number one tip I read about and thought was complete idiocy that I use now. Drink more water. I drink before I eat, I drink water while eating, I drink water after I eat. I drink water when I feel bored, and normally would have snacked. Only after I drink more water, and still feel hungry do I get a snack. And then I make every effort to stay within my daily serving plan. I LOVE carrots lol, it's my favorite snack food.
I'm beginning to get compliments about the weight I have lost. My sister in law saw me the other day, and she said,"Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!" Wow that made me feel great! Everyone else in my life I see so often that it's harder to notice.
So Cheers to this last year and all I've learned!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Back on Track
So last week with all the eating out really threw me off. I started picking at food here and there that really wasn't in my program. And the funny part is I really didn't enjoy it, I just felt bad. Yesterday I made a trip to Kroger to get all the snacks that I can have and enjoy, fruits and veggies mostly. It was so much easier to have dinner and feel good about what I ate, regular shopping is essential! Monday and Tuesday I did the picking thing, and I ate some things I shouldn't have because I wasn't feeling well. My Weigh in on Wednesday was up 1.4 lbs to 206lbs. I suspect it was related to salt intake.
I'm looking forward to tomorrows Weigh In, because I know that I have eaten right, and made healthy choices for my body, and my goals. It feels good!
Also yesterday was a day for being given awesome things. My friend Angela brought me a ton of clothes, which were really cute. And 6 pairs of jeans! I don't think I've ever owned that many pairs of jeans before. Now I have 12 pairs of pants in various sizes. Right now only 2 pairs fit comfortably, but I am really looking forward to getting into all the other pairs I have. And I've made a vow to myself. I will never again squeeze into a pair of jeans, if they do not do up easily and comfortably they are not going on this body! No way! There's just no reason to wear something that is comfortable and painful.
I'm also excited about discovering Hungry girl Egg Mug recipes, they are going to be so yummy!
I'm looking forward to tomorrows Weigh In, because I know that I have eaten right, and made healthy choices for my body, and my goals. It feels good!
Also yesterday was a day for being given awesome things. My friend Angela brought me a ton of clothes, which were really cute. And 6 pairs of jeans! I don't think I've ever owned that many pairs of jeans before. Now I have 12 pairs of pants in various sizes. Right now only 2 pairs fit comfortably, but I am really looking forward to getting into all the other pairs I have. And I've made a vow to myself. I will never again squeeze into a pair of jeans, if they do not do up easily and comfortably they are not going on this body! No way! There's just no reason to wear something that is comfortable and painful.
I'm also excited about discovering Hungry girl Egg Mug recipes, they are going to be so yummy!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Why Monster?
So, I've realized that some of my posts may have sounded like I'm being overly hard on myself. Or made it look like I think negatively about myself. I'm not going to say that my thoughts about myself, particularly my body are always positive, that would be lieing. I've come to realize that even a person with an ideal weight has things about their body they aren't happy with, no one is without insecurities. Some of us just have more than others. But just to clarify, I do NOT hate myself, or my body.
Now that I've said that, why did I decide to call my blog "My 70 Pound Monster"? Well, because those extra 70 or so pounds on my body, feel like a monster in my life. It's the day to day things like not being able to find clothes that both fit and make me feel good. It's the wear and tear on some of my clothes having to stretch and support and cover the extra weight. I have some clothing that is actually painful to wear, and I have no choice but to wear it. And the monster part also refers to the feeling that a cloud is hanging over head. It's called Heart Disease, there are more clouds for diabetes, arthritis, hip replacement/knee replacement, infertility, and the list goes on. I'm sick and tired of living with the question "Is that in my future?" I already have enough health problems, including hypothyroidism, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and yes infertility.
This is a big deal for me to admit, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to face. And it is my Number One motivator. I've done research and I truely believe that a big part of my fertility problems are related to my being overweight, or actually according to BMI in the obese category. Why can some women who out weigh me by a lot have children? I don't know, our bodies are different, my system is apparently more sensitive to my weight, and my over all physical condition. I truely believe that I have been given the motivation to change by God. And if I can control my appetites, and beat my desire to be lazy then I might be able to change that diagnosis. I know it won't be easy, but I ask myself "Do I want the lifestyle that is easy, that got me in the physical condition I am in today, or do I want children?" That is the biggest reason this 70 pounds of extra weight is a monster to me. It could stand in the way of something that I have wanted my whole life, to be a Mom. If I do this and my husband and I still need to adopt then two things will happen. 1. I will know I did everything in my power to make it possible to have our own, and it is God's will. and 2. My children will have a healthy and strong Mother, who can teach them healthy habits to take care of their bodies and have healthy lives.
That is why I am doing this. It's not about thinking I am ugly, and I won't be beautiful until I'm a size 6. And it's not about being hard on myself. It's about doing all I can do to avoid the nightmare of infertility my Doctors told me I would deal with a year and a half ago. It's about taking responsibility for myself and how I feel. And it feels good to be this honest, even if no one reads it, even if I've just put it out there into cyberspace and it's lost forever. I am doing this blog for me, so I am honest with myself about my whole journey, my life, all of it. I do hope that this might help someone else, even one person would be more than worth it. The journey of weight loss, and maintaining your goal is not impossible. Even for those of us with medical conditions that have these labels, the ones that say "cause weight gain" or symptom is "weight gain". We are not bound by these limitations and labels.
P.S. to the dear person that told me I was beautiful the way I am, and not to be hard on myself. Thank you! You made me think a little deeper, and I really needed to do that. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me heart after writing this. xoxoxo
Now that I've said that, why did I decide to call my blog "My 70 Pound Monster"? Well, because those extra 70 or so pounds on my body, feel like a monster in my life. It's the day to day things like not being able to find clothes that both fit and make me feel good. It's the wear and tear on some of my clothes having to stretch and support and cover the extra weight. I have some clothing that is actually painful to wear, and I have no choice but to wear it. And the monster part also refers to the feeling that a cloud is hanging over head. It's called Heart Disease, there are more clouds for diabetes, arthritis, hip replacement/knee replacement, infertility, and the list goes on. I'm sick and tired of living with the question "Is that in my future?" I already have enough health problems, including hypothyroidism, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and yes infertility.
This is a big deal for me to admit, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to face. And it is my Number One motivator. I've done research and I truely believe that a big part of my fertility problems are related to my being overweight, or actually according to BMI in the obese category. Why can some women who out weigh me by a lot have children? I don't know, our bodies are different, my system is apparently more sensitive to my weight, and my over all physical condition. I truely believe that I have been given the motivation to change by God. And if I can control my appetites, and beat my desire to be lazy then I might be able to change that diagnosis. I know it won't be easy, but I ask myself "Do I want the lifestyle that is easy, that got me in the physical condition I am in today, or do I want children?" That is the biggest reason this 70 pounds of extra weight is a monster to me. It could stand in the way of something that I have wanted my whole life, to be a Mom. If I do this and my husband and I still need to adopt then two things will happen. 1. I will know I did everything in my power to make it possible to have our own, and it is God's will. and 2. My children will have a healthy and strong Mother, who can teach them healthy habits to take care of their bodies and have healthy lives.
That is why I am doing this. It's not about thinking I am ugly, and I won't be beautiful until I'm a size 6. And it's not about being hard on myself. It's about doing all I can do to avoid the nightmare of infertility my Doctors told me I would deal with a year and a half ago. It's about taking responsibility for myself and how I feel. And it feels good to be this honest, even if no one reads it, even if I've just put it out there into cyberspace and it's lost forever. I am doing this blog for me, so I am honest with myself about my whole journey, my life, all of it. I do hope that this might help someone else, even one person would be more than worth it. The journey of weight loss, and maintaining your goal is not impossible. Even for those of us with medical conditions that have these labels, the ones that say "cause weight gain" or symptom is "weight gain". We are not bound by these limitations and labels.
P.S. to the dear person that told me I was beautiful the way I am, and not to be hard on myself. Thank you! You made me think a little deeper, and I really needed to do that. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me heart after writing this. xoxoxo
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The Past IS the PAST
Last March I had a whole lot of steam, I was REALLY pumped and motivated! I tracked my weight, I kept a food journal every single day. I was really excited and I worked hard. I was exercising regularly and had lots of goals. However, it consumed me, all my energy, thoughts, everything I did was based around my "plan". Then my life changed, my days were no longer without demand, and I started slipping, I let some things go, and I started back into old ways.
I've gained back all that I lost plus another 2.2 pounds. I got discouraged, down on myself, and I adopted some really bad habits. But that is the past! And it is over! Little Debbie's Buh-Bye! I do not need you! Wow that feels good, to not crave all that sweetness, to not desire the calories and fat, it's liberating!
My husband is fantastic, he encouraged me to put my goals back up where I can see them. That it would help me. He's been very supportive and loving. Through gains and losses he has been there for me. I've done some more thinking, reading, asking questions, and searching my own heart and mind.
I asked myself
"Do I really want to lose weight?"
"Am I willing to change my habits and choices?"
"How long do I want to live?"
"What quality of life do I want?"
Those are big questions, and important ones. Does my weight affect my quality of life, absolutely. Does it affect my health, definitely. Is it more than a want, do I NEED to change? YES!
How do I do it? By being healthy, eating healthy, exercising healthy, having healthy habits. Caring enough about myself to go to the extra effort of cooking at home instead of ordering pizza, to meal plan instead of throwing together what is easy. To balance my food choices and my portions. To sacrifice nearly 2 hours of sleep every morning to be able to get up and exercise. All that sounds to me like a lot, and it will be hard, but it will be so worth it! I can't wait!
I've gained back all that I lost plus another 2.2 pounds. I got discouraged, down on myself, and I adopted some really bad habits. But that is the past! And it is over! Little Debbie's Buh-Bye! I do not need you! Wow that feels good, to not crave all that sweetness, to not desire the calories and fat, it's liberating!
My husband is fantastic, he encouraged me to put my goals back up where I can see them. That it would help me. He's been very supportive and loving. Through gains and losses he has been there for me. I've done some more thinking, reading, asking questions, and searching my own heart and mind.
I asked myself
"Do I really want to lose weight?"
"Am I willing to change my habits and choices?"
"How long do I want to live?"
"What quality of life do I want?"
Those are big questions, and important ones. Does my weight affect my quality of life, absolutely. Does it affect my health, definitely. Is it more than a want, do I NEED to change? YES!
How do I do it? By being healthy, eating healthy, exercising healthy, having healthy habits. Caring enough about myself to go to the extra effort of cooking at home instead of ordering pizza, to meal plan instead of throwing together what is easy. To balance my food choices and my portions. To sacrifice nearly 2 hours of sleep every morning to be able to get up and exercise. All that sounds to me like a lot, and it will be hard, but it will be so worth it! I can't wait!
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