Sneak WI

I must admit I've been afraid of what I might have gained over Christmas. I did not manage my goal of having only one dessert. It was far too tempting, I did not eat as much as I could have, but still more than I wanted to.
This morning as I got up I was looking at my scale and wondering just how much damage my holiday spree did. I tried to convince myself to wait until my regular Weigh In, but curiousity won over. I stepped on the scale and waited anxiously for it to tell me how bad I really was.
weight: 214.2
Change: 0.0
Yes!! I'm really glad I weighed this morning, to know that my efforts paid off. And whatever I may have eaten extra has been made up for in only 2 days. That's pretty big for me, it means that I didn't over do it by much.
I don't always recommend WI off schedule, it can result in a very inaccurate view of what your body is really doing. My once a week is usually just right for me. But just after a big holiday and lots of high fat, high sugar, and high carb foods I needed that reinforcement that what I am doing day to day is working. If I had seen that I was up some I would likely feel different. And that is why my regular, once a week, Weigh In is best.

Healthy! I like it!

You know, I found out this last week I like eating healthy food. I enjoy salad, I love stir-fry, soup is a treat full of veggies with some lean meat. I just can't believe how much I'm liking my new ways. I can admit that over Christmas I indulged in some dessert, and I have had some cravings for sweets since then. But a decent substitute are quaker mini rice cakes, in all kinds of flavors. Or my fruit bars made with real fruit, no added sugar, and only 45 calories. Sherbet is also a fantastic sweet and cool treat, the other thing I love about it is I CAN'T over indulge with it. Because by the time I finish my one serving, I am finished, I don't want anymore. It's not something I can eat a lot of, unlike ice cream.

Last night I made General Tso chicken, I got the kit. My plan was to grill some chicken tenderloin for myself, and give the breaded chicken to my husband. There was so little chicken in the packet I had to make extra chicken for him too! I was a little peeved, mostly because of what I paid for the kit. But the veggies were great. He hates veggies, so I took out his chicken before mixing my meat and the veggies. It was a satisfying dinner.

I also managed my water goal for yesterday! All 64 oz! Super excited. However, I highly recommend not drinking 20 oz 30 min before going to bed. Bad IDEA! I ended up waking up approx 5-6 times in the night to use the facilities. So while I am kind of tired, I really feel good about myself that I accomplished that. It is really hard for me. Some of it is just being committed, and some of it is phsychological. For years I had problems with stomach ulcers and drinking water used to make me very nauseated, so I could only sip a little at a time. To make myself drink enough now is a matter of committing to forming the habit. I see myself today as one step closer!

I have had times in my life when I lost weight, 10 lbs, 25 lbs, even 30 lbs. I think the reason I was never able to lose more, or keep it off is because I didn't make healthy living a routine. Something that was part of my life required increased physical activity, I had a short period where I craved healthy things etc. But I never had a plan, I never had a schedule or goals. I just kind of went with the flow. So when the flow changed from walking 1-3 hours per day to riding the bus for most of that time I did not compensate for lost exercise. My jeans just got tighter and I stopped wearing my medium shirts. Things like that. Now I want to have a healthy routine and schedule that will continue for the rest of my life. And when the other demands of my life change I want to know how to adapt my routine to fit. It is Important to me! Exercise is important to me, healthy eating is important to me! It's all about priorities.

I'm loving making myself a priority.

My first week of Loss!

I am super excited, I Weighed in this morning. Turns out my starting weight was actualy 215.6 not 215.4, but I lost 1.4 pounds! My new goals are working, I think the big change is the water I am now drinking. Making my portions more what they should be.
Christmas might be a challenge, but now that I have that loss in my mind, I don't want to ruin it. I want to hang on to it, and I want to lose even more this coming week.
I have a goal for myself, only one dessert for the whole weekend. It will be tonight for Christmas Eve Dinner. And I plan to have just a little bit, and savor it. I'm also going to try and avoid the big servings of Mac n' Cheese, rolls with butter, and deep fried foods. small servings that is my goal.
Now I did Weigh In early, because my normal Weigh In day is Sunday, but this week I will be away from home and my scale. Now I'm glad I decided to do that because my loss will be really motivating.

This morning breakfast was a Banana
my snack are some baby carrots
Lunch will be light,
dinner tonight I will do all I can to eat small servings.

Stats
Start weight: 215.6 pounds
Loss: 1.4 pounds
To Go: 69 pounds to 145!

Week 1- The start of a new me!

This week I started outlining my goals. Thinking about what was most important to my health, and what would help me accomplish the things I really want for myself. Right now I am super excited, I feel empowered, and I have confidence. I know that Friday will be Christmas Eve, there will be all kinds of good food, and dessert. There will also be a lot of it. I know that I will have to really work hard not to eat more than my portions, and my sweet tooth will come calling. But I will do my very best not to go eating until I feel sick, and to make the best choices that I possibly can. I'm nervous, but I know I'll do the best I can, and if I have a tough time it will be okay. Because next week I'm going to continue with my goals.

Here are my goals for Dec 20th 2010- Feb 4th 2011
Goals!
Get up early in the morning goal
week 1 8 am
week 2 7:45 am
week 3 7:30 am
week 4 7:15 am
week 5 7 am
week 6 6:45 am
week 7 6:30 am

Exercise in the morning goal
week 3- exercise 15-20 min each day mon-fri
week 4- exercise 20-25 min each day mon-fri
week 5- exercise 30-35 min each day mon-fri
week 6- exercise 40-45 min each day mon-fri
week 7- exercise 45 min each day mon-fri

Food Goals!
1. No soda, opt for fruit juice or water instead
2.sweets- have 1 serving every other day or less. Opt for healthier choices like real fruit bars, sherbet, and fruit.
3.eat vegetables at every dinner
4. Lunch avoid junk food, and snack stuff.
5.drink 64 oz of water every day as a minimum.

Tracking Goals!
1. Weigh in every sunday morning.
2.track my progress as I complete my goals each week!

So far I have managed the getting up time, and all my food goals- most are easy except the water. my exercise goal does not start until Jan 3rd. Can't wait!
Last Sunday's Weigh In : 215.4 pounds.
Goal Weight: 145 pounds
To go: 70.4 pounds

The Past IS the PAST

Last March I had a whole lot of steam, I was REALLY pumped and motivated! I tracked my weight, I kept a food journal every single day. I was really excited and I worked hard. I was exercising regularly and had lots of goals. However, it consumed me, all my energy, thoughts, everything I did was based around my "plan". Then my life changed, my days were no longer without demand, and I started slipping, I let some things go, and I started back into old ways.

I've gained back all that I lost plus another 2.2 pounds. I got discouraged, down on myself, and I adopted some really bad habits. But that is the past! And it is over! Little Debbie's Buh-Bye! I do not need you! Wow that feels good, to not crave all that sweetness, to not desire the calories and fat, it's liberating!

My husband is fantastic, he encouraged me to put my goals back up where I can see them. That it would help me. He's been very supportive and loving. Through gains and losses he has been there for me. I've done some more thinking, reading, asking questions, and searching my own heart and mind.
I asked myself
"Do I really want to lose weight?"
"Am I willing to change my habits and choices?"
"How long do I want to live?"
"What quality of life do I want?"

Those are big questions, and important ones. Does my weight affect my quality of life, absolutely. Does it affect my health, definitely. Is it more than a want, do I NEED to change? YES!
How do I do it? By being healthy, eating healthy, exercising healthy, having healthy habits. Caring enough about myself to go to the extra effort of cooking at home instead of ordering pizza, to meal plan instead of throwing together what is easy. To balance my food choices and my portions. To sacrifice nearly 2 hours of sleep every morning to be able to get up and exercise. All that sounds to me like a lot, and it will be hard, but it will be so worth it! I can't wait!

The 70 pound monster!!!!

I have goals, and I have dreams, and I have things that I want. And I believe that I need to use some brutal honesty to achieve those things. I have always been "the fat girl". As a child no one ever made up a mean nickname based on my name to tease me with, they didn't need too. Fatty, fatso, pig, fat pig etc were more than enough ammunition for them. It was horrible, and taught me to hate myself, avoid all contact with others as much as possible, and not make a spectacle of myself. I felt grossly inadequate, uncoordinated and clumsy. I dreaded every single PE class I ever went to.

Here are the things I heard or thought about myself
"she just hasn't lost her baby fat yet"
"she's a little chunky, but she's not fat"
"big boned"
"slow metabolism"
"it's genetics" -as if I knew what that meant

Over the years I struggled with my self image, self worth, and self esteem. I struggled with depression, which only got worse as I suffered from illness after illness. And I was ever more frequently the butt of jokes, mocking, and avoidance. Others who had previously been friends would no longer acknowledge me because of my unpopularity. In the seventh grade I finally could not take it any longer. I faked sick, I faked sick for nearly 2 weeks before my Mom said I had to go back the next day NO MATTER WHAT! I burst into tears, I still remember it clearly all these years later. She was shocked, I was not a crier. I begged her not to make me go back "to that place". When she asked me why I told her of all that was happening. The teasing progressed from fatty to sexual slurs, and throwing/hitting/or dropping textbooks on or at me. She was furious! My mother went straight to the principle and demanded action, surprisingly she got it. I finished out the year in relative peace. And we began preparations for home schooling. During those years I did much better, I gained some much needed social confidence and made friends. I still thought of myself as fat, but less and less did I hate myself, or think I was ugly and worthless.
By the time High School came I was independent, smart, and confident. I knew what I wanted and I was not afraid to go for it. I went back to public school for a portion of my education, I made friends and enjoyed a full social life. I loved high school! For the first time in my life people could see who I was because I had overcome most of my shyness, and everyone was nice to me. I was nice to everyone, and even those I did not know well were not unkind.
At that time I also lost 25 lbs and was feeling pretty good about myself. Since High school, going on 7 years, I have struggled to maintain that weight. But I refused to "diet", I would not be like those I loved going up and down constantly and never being satisfied with "who I am". So I tried to have an active life, I love walking so I did that a lot. But I really didn't know much about my bodys nutritional needs.
I made some serious mistakes that have had lifelong consiquences for me. When I first lived on my own I worked at McDonald's and had very little money. I stopped buying meat, and my diet consisted mostly of ichiban/ramen noodles, sidekicks, and cheez whiz sandwiches. I did lose some weight, but I felt sick nearly all the time, it became so that I could not keep down milk, so I started buying soy milk. I was fatigued all the time, and felt nauseated daily. I began to get headaches that would last for days. When I finally went to the Doctor they did tests and diagnosed me with HypoThyroidism. I will have to be on medication for the rest of my life. The combination of poor nutrition and Soy that is hard on the thyroid, destroyed the function of that vital system of my body. The thyroid controls metabolism among other things that it affects.
Well when I started that medication the doctor said I should expect some weight loss. Yeah Right! Since then I have gained from 175 lbs up to 215 lbs.
I will admit to making poor choices in that time. And to all those out there with medical conditions that affect your ability to lose weight, IT IS POSSIBLE! It may take longer, it may seem like it takes more work than it should, but you do not have to be imprisoned by your condition and your weight.
My ultimate goal weight is 145 pounds. That means working hard, probably for years, to lose my 70 pounds monster. I realized today that the extra weight I carry around with me is the size of a healthy 10 year old child. Ugh no wonder my whole body aches! No wonder my hips do not stay in place properly and I am developing painful joints! All the pain, illness, exhaustion, soreness, and other ailments make sense now!
I will make the change, I will complete my goals, and continue to set new ones. I will Succeed! I will be able to say I LOVE ME!
What do you want to be able to do?