WI & Measurement Monday!

Last week was a difficult one for me, for one reason or another things just did not go right. The water tasted bad so I didn't get to complete that goal. My pain problems spiked and I had difficulty completeing my exercise. I gave in to temptation and ate most of the candy my parents sent to me for Christmas. There is plenty of Macintosh toffee left, but I'm not interested at the moment. Maybe because of my Weigh In. Oh I also gave in and drank two cans of Mountain Dew on Saturday, I KNOW that didn't help!

WI stats
New Weight: 215.4
Gain: 2.4 lbs
To go: 70.4 lbs

Here is my theory, most of that is retained water. That's what I am thinking, because in the last two weeks I still lost inches. I lost 3.75" in the last 2 weeks. Which brings me into my first inches mini goal (10-13" lost), I haven't decided if I will reward myself now or wait another two weeks and see how I do. I'm leaning towards now just because it was such a difficult week last week. And I've decided that I want to get myself a new pair of shoes! Shoe depot has a 50% off sale right now, how can I pass it up when I have such a great excuse?

Good news is that I am getting back on track with my water goals, and food goals. We have had company sleeping on our couch since last Friday, so I haven't exercised in the morning. I am hoping to do so tomorrow, and we'll see how a fitness class goes.

Overall I do feel pretty good, encouraged even, to keep working and keep striving. The other day I had to buy a belt to keep my size 18petite jeans on. I bought a 2x belt, but I can have to do it up in the second notch in order to keep it on as well LOL. I thought it was funny that in the first notch I could still pull my pants all the way down. It's a good thing, and I can't wait until I'm using the 3rd notch! And when I need it tighter than the last notch I am celebrating! And I think I will keep the belt to remind me of how far I have really come.

Measurement stats:
Bust (old 47")- new 44.75"= 2.25"!
Waist (42) -new 40.5"= 1.5"
Belly Button (49)-new 47"= 2"
Hips (51)-new 49.75"= 1.25"
Right Thigh (25) - new 23.75"=1.25"
Left Thigh (24.25)- new 23.25"= 1"
Right Arm (14)-new 13.25"=0.75"
Left Arm (13.5)- 12.75"= 0.75"

I think that speaks for itself. It's only been 4 weeks of goals and changes, those are some really important results!

Your Shape-Very Annoyed

I have problems! I was super excited about the idea of a better work out program. We got the Xbox Kinect sensor, and I bought Your Shape: Fitness Evolved. I've been using it for a total of 7 work outs now. I am so frustrated that I'm not even looking forward to doing it tomorrow. I've been using the personal trainer option, and I'm finding that there is no obvious rhythm to the music your supposed to follow, and I have serious issues staying in rhythm with the trainer. That means that I average somewhere around 60% a routine. That irritates the heck out of me, and makes me want to quit. I'm standing there doing my best and not getting credit for all of my hard work.
I think it's time to try a different section of the game. I'm going to give the fitness classes, or the gym games a chance. Maybe a day of cardio boxing and then a day of yoga, then we'll see what else there is. It is also a little frustrating that it only came with the most basic of fitness classes. Most of the ones listed I have to buy the add-on for. That is annoying!

I am wishing that I had more space, so I could have work out equipment in my apartment instead of messing with these gaming systems. When we buy a house one of those spare bedrooms is going to be a workout room with a tredmill, bike, weights and probably a TV and DVD player for yoga and other workout dvd's. So I can have some variety without continually having to buy the add-ons. VERY ANNOYED!

I Miss my Wii! This is not working at all the way I had hoped it would. I was bored with my one workout game for Wii, but I could have gotten more. Ugh, this sucks! But I am hoping that maybe as I get into shape I will get better at this, and I will be more coordinated.

Any tips on how to make this work better?

Week 3: WI

My Weigh In for week 3! I was pretty happy when I got on the scale and I had another loss! That's three weeks in a row with losses. Down 0.6 pounds! Not a lot, but a whole lot better than gaining, or staying the same. I'm really happy with it.
In three weeks I have lost 2.6 pounds, which has been over holidays and events.
I also completed my goals for last week!
I drank 64 oz of water or more each day!
I got up at 7:30am!
I exercised for 20 min each day!

I am feeling pretty good about myself and my goals. Something I did adjust is my ultimate goal for what time to get up in the morning. It went from 6:30 am to 7:00 am. This week I started my 7:15am goal, and it is hard! I realized that 6:30 is going to be brutal and might be a breaking point for me. So I sat down and made a time schedule for my morning. So I know just exactly how much time I need for my routine in the morning.
7:00 am is when I absolutely must get started. I've also decided that 5 days is not enough time anymore for me to adjust to my changing schedule. I will do 7:15am for three weeks, and then 7:00am. I'm also not in good enough shape to manage a full 30 min of my Kinect Your Shape: Fitness Evolved. So I have new goals, to be more reasonable and set myself up for success!

Stats
Weigh in- 213 pounds
Total Loss- 2.6 pounds!
To first mini goal- 8 pounds!
To final goal- 68 pounds!
Total Fat Calories burned- 9100!

My 70 Pound Monster:Fat!: Why Monster?

My 70 Pound Monster:Fat!: Why Monster?: "So, I've realized that some of my posts may have sounded like I'm being overly hard on myself. Or made it look like I think negatively about..."

Why Monster?

So, I've realized that some of my posts may have sounded like I'm being overly hard on myself. Or made it look like I think negatively about myself. I'm not going to say that my thoughts about myself, particularly my body are always positive, that would be lieing. I've come to realize that even a person with an ideal weight has things about their body they aren't happy with, no one is without insecurities. Some of us just have more than others. But just to clarify, I do NOT hate myself, or my body.

Now that I've said that, why did I decide to call my blog "My 70 Pound Monster"? Well, because those extra 70 or so pounds on my body, feel like a monster in my life. It's the day to day things like not being able to find clothes that both fit and make me feel good. It's the wear and tear on some of my clothes having to stretch and support and cover the extra weight. I have some clothing that is actually painful to wear, and I have no choice but to wear it. And the monster part also refers to the feeling that a cloud is hanging over head. It's called Heart Disease, there are more clouds for diabetes, arthritis, hip replacement/knee replacement, infertility, and the list goes on. I'm sick and tired of living with the question "Is that in my future?" I already have enough health problems, including hypothyroidism, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and yes infertility.

This is a big deal for me to admit, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to face. And it is my Number One motivator. I've done research and I truely believe that a big part of my fertility problems are related to my being overweight, or actually according to BMI in the obese category. Why can some women who out weigh me by a lot have children? I don't know, our bodies are different, my system is apparently more sensitive to my weight, and my over all physical condition. I truely believe that I have been given the motivation to change by God. And if I can control my appetites, and beat my desire to be lazy then I might be able to change that diagnosis. I know it won't be easy, but I ask myself  "Do I want the lifestyle that is easy, that got me in the physical condition I am in today, or do I want children?" That is the biggest reason this 70 pounds of extra weight is a monster to me. It could stand in the way of something that I have wanted my whole life, to be a Mom. If I do this and my husband and I still need to adopt then two things will happen. 1. I will know I did everything in my power to make it possible to have our own, and it is God's will. and 2. My children will have a healthy and strong Mother, who can teach them healthy habits to take care of their bodies and have healthy lives.

That is why I am doing this. It's not about thinking I am ugly, and I won't be beautiful until I'm a size 6. And it's not about being hard on myself. It's about doing all I can do to avoid the nightmare of infertility my Doctors told me I would deal with a year and a half ago. It's about taking responsibility for myself and how I feel. And it feels good to be this honest, even if no one reads it, even if I've just put it out there into cyberspace and it's lost forever. I am doing this blog for me, so I am honest with myself about my whole journey, my life, all of it. I do hope that this might help someone else, even one person would be more than worth it. The journey of weight loss, and maintaining your goal is not impossible. Even for those of us with medical conditions that have these labels, the ones that say "cause weight gain" or symptom is "weight gain". We are not bound by these limitations and labels.

P.S. to the dear person that told me I was beautiful the way I am, and not to be hard on myself. Thank you! You made me think a little deeper, and I really needed to do that. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me heart after writing this. xoxoxo

Reality check, goals, and progress!

Tonight I have a lot on my mind. I feel pumped, I've made progress right away. I have a new morning routine thats healthy and all about me, taking care of my body, and remembering that I am important too. I've felt great that in 3 weeks I am now getting up a full hour earlier than I was before, I am now exercising 20 min in the morning, I drink 64oz of water or more a day, and I'm enjoying healthy food.

However the other day I had a reality check, a real wake up call. I'm glad I had it nearly three weeks after I started new goals and recentered my attitude. It was rude, I got really angry, and somewhere hidden inside I was a little hurt too. A new neighbor eyed me as I was leaving our little chat at the mail boxes and she said "you havin' a baby er somethin'?" It took me a moment to recover from the shock, I said a very quiet no, and continued on my way. As time went on and I was preparing for dinner that evening I got more and more angry. I called my sister to vent, she agreed with my outrage, she's a great sister. I posted on facebook, on my status, and in my weightloss group. I got a lot of support and encouraging messages. That was all great, the support was amazing, and knowing there are so many women out there that know what it is like to be at the end of such rudeness and thoughtlessness.

Here is what I have learned. Reality check, my waist is 41", my hips 50". I'm carrying a whole lot of my weight in my middle, I always have. I lived my life in such a way that my body was neglected. I didn't give my body the tools it needed to function at an optimum level. Not enough exercise, not enough water, not enough high quality nutrition, too much junk food and empty calories, too much sitting around, or laying in bed. Too many excuses for not getting up and working out, something as simple as going for a walk. I always have an excuse, I'm too tired, I hurt too much, I don't have the time, there is too much cleaning to do, I don't feel like it. Gotta love that last one, I got lazy in coming up with excuses for being lazy. So my reality, it's my fault I look like I could be pregnant. It's my fault that I have a goal that involves losingsome 70 lbs. It's that woman's fault for being rude, but it's not her fault that my body looks such that someone could make the mistake.

So who should I really be mad at? Me? No. I say no because, while it is my fault, and my problem, that is not productive. It would likely only add to the difficulty of what I am working for. I have plans, and I so badly want this, I'm determined, and I'm committed. That to me says: "Things have changed". Something in my thinking changed, something in my attitude changed. I stopped just feeling sorry for myself, and actually sat down to devise the path I need to take to make my goals a reality. I've known what I needed to do for quite some time now. But I didn't WANT to. Why? I didn't want to give up my sleep. I know that sounds silly, but I'm a person who does not sleep well, in fact I never really have. I've gone to multiple doctors about my sleeping problems. I AM tired ALL the time to varying degrees. So that hour of sleep I have given up already is pretty precious. And the extra hour I am going to be giving up over the next 4 weeks is equally as precious. I know it will be hard, I know I will struggle. But I have realized that as I lose the weight the hours that I do sleep for will be worth more to me in the long run. Eventually the "tired all the time" will wear off. I will begin to have energy again. Maybe it will take 10 pounds, maybe it will take 20 pounds, maybe more. But when I get to that point where I can sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, it will be glorious!

Achieving my goals is a big motivator for me. Seeing my progress is also another big motivator, loss of inches and pounds. Slowly getting closer to a healthy BMI, and a slimmer me, priceless. But I know I will have bad days, rough weeks, and many challenges along the way. One of my big goals is to complete each of my 2 month goals through the whole year. To not miss any exercise days (unless very ill), to not miss a single day without my 64 oz of water. 1 year of that, I will be a new me! To get me through the rough times I have a rewards system. I get rewards at certain points in multiple categories. Inches lost, certain weights, certain BMI, percents of my goal completed (10, 25, 50, 75), and I'm thinking at the end of each of my 2 month goal sheets. So far I have completed everything on my current goal sheet. And in some things exceeded my own expectations! I have 1 rule, none of my rewards can be food. I think they will mostly be clothing. Maybe jewelry, or something else I want. I think the reward point I will reach soonest is my first inches lost goal which is 10-13 inches lost! I am at 7 inches lost. I can't wait until the next week I measure.

I plan to post each Friday to report on my completed goals for that week. This morning getting up at 7:30 was hard, really hard. I almost didn't do it, nearly fell back asleep in the bathroom. But I made it to the living room and my YourShape on the xbox kinect. It is definitely a challenging workout so far. I'm using the personal trainer, and I'm seeing improvements even over the last 4 days. I have better coordination to follow the trainer, and I went from 30 cals burned on my second day (first day didn't get through my profile and tutorials) to 52 cals burned today. I can't wait until I have a full 45 mins to exercise.

Oh, and a side note. The size 18P jeans I bought a few weeks ago are falling off me. I walked up the hill in front of our apartment several times this morning. I had to hang on to them. Too much movement and they just start sliding down. That is exciting to me! I need to get a belt of some kind because my size 16P will not yet fit me. I just might crochet myself a belt.

Well that is where my head is at tonight. Like I said a lot to think about, and a lot to be excited about too!

Visualize!

So, what has been the hardest part about setting a weight loss goal?

Asking myself what weight I should be, how do I know? First I used google and searched ideal weight for my height. I got some scary numbers, like 110-125lbs, I thought "I give up right now!" That is impossible for me, I've never been that thin, and I Never will be! I stopped for awhile, then I searched again, on more reputable sites. Medical sites and the like. The range I found was more imaginable, barely, but enough that I could try. 120-145 lbs. Okay 145 pounds, I could try and aim for that.

The first thing I did was draw a big 145 and post it on my fridge. That helped, but I still couldn't imagine what I would look like at a weight that low. I tried to do some searches about weights and clothing sizes, but I didn't have much luck. It was sort of helpful, I got something like a medium or size 8-10 ish. But I still could not picture what my body would look like.

I have always been a little different as proportions go. When my Mother used to sew dresses of skirts for me they always needed alterations. Some places would be too tight while others too loose, all within this same "size".  It always frustrated me.
So I did some more googling, about weight loss and computer models etc. I found this website mvm.com (my virtual model). Of course it doesn't look exactly like me, but I was able to put in different specifications, including weight and see the difference between how I look now, and how I "will" look when I reach my goal.
I have printed those pictures and put them on my fridge, along with my Dec/Jan goals.

It's helping, and as I lose I can go make a new model and see the difference. It's a nice way to be able to visualize myself and my progress. Numbers, measurements, weigh in's, those are all fantastic and I love seeing those numbers improve. But the picture is just that extra step to helping me feel good about myself.

 Seeing that difference every day, how could I ever give up? Knowing how much healthier I will be, how much less my body will hurt, how much easier it will be to find clothing.

Measurement Monday!

We all know that weighing in is an important aspect of tracking our progress. It helps us know each week how we've done. And it helps to know which habits are good and we should maintain and which are not good and we should work to eliminate or control.
There are lots of other ways of tracking, joining programs, sites, etc. Food journals where we track calories or points.
Here is my new invaluable tracking tool. Measurements! Two weeks ago when I started I took my measurements to get a baseline, my starting point. Now every second week, on Monday I take my measurements again. This is huge for me! And I wish I had done it my first go around last spring. It could have given me the extra boost I needed to keep motivated.
In the last two weeks I lost 7 inches off my body! That's huge! My scale loss of 2 pounds (lost 0.6 this week) did not reflect that, and I would have had no idea.

Here were my baseline measurements.
Bust: 47"
Waist: 42"
Belly button (it is the largest part of my middle, so I decided to measure around it too):49"
Hips:51"
Right thigh:25"
Left Thigh:24.25"
Right Upper Arm:25"
Left Upper Arm:24.25"

New Measurements!
Bust: 46", loss of 1"
Waist: 41", loss of 1"
Belly Button: 48", loss of 1"
Hips: 50", loss of 1"
Right Thigh: 23.75", loss of 1.25"
Left Thigh: 23.25", loss of 1"
Right Arm: 13.5", loss of 0.5"
Left Arm: 13.25", loss of 0.25"

It feels so good to know that what I have done has made a difference! It's also good to see my own reality. It's hard to live healthy and reach goals if you don't know where you started, and then where you are at. Huge Tip, If you want to change something about your life or yourself do not be afraid of reality!
I've spent most of my life fearing the scale, or any other measurement of my body. I simply did not want to know! That attitude is part of what got me where I am today. Fear does not enable progress, it holds us back and weighs us down (in my case literally). Courage, determination, and resolve are what I need to change my body and my habits. And yes, facing this reality does take courage.
It's not as if I was unaware of the state of my body, every mirror, every article of clothing, every shopping trip, every ache and pain. All of it reminded me of the state of my body. But going through life adapting, ignoring it, just making do, is not facing it. I feel better since I have taken measure of myself, it is liberating. I have freedom!

Stats:
213.6 pounds, loss of 0.6
68.6 pounds to go!
Total loss: 2.0 pounds
8lbs to first goal!
inches lost: 7!
3-6" to first goal!