Reality check, goals, and progress!

Tonight I have a lot on my mind. I feel pumped, I've made progress right away. I have a new morning routine thats healthy and all about me, taking care of my body, and remembering that I am important too. I've felt great that in 3 weeks I am now getting up a full hour earlier than I was before, I am now exercising 20 min in the morning, I drink 64oz of water or more a day, and I'm enjoying healthy food.

However the other day I had a reality check, a real wake up call. I'm glad I had it nearly three weeks after I started new goals and recentered my attitude. It was rude, I got really angry, and somewhere hidden inside I was a little hurt too. A new neighbor eyed me as I was leaving our little chat at the mail boxes and she said "you havin' a baby er somethin'?" It took me a moment to recover from the shock, I said a very quiet no, and continued on my way. As time went on and I was preparing for dinner that evening I got more and more angry. I called my sister to vent, she agreed with my outrage, she's a great sister. I posted on facebook, on my status, and in my weightloss group. I got a lot of support and encouraging messages. That was all great, the support was amazing, and knowing there are so many women out there that know what it is like to be at the end of such rudeness and thoughtlessness.

Here is what I have learned. Reality check, my waist is 41", my hips 50". I'm carrying a whole lot of my weight in my middle, I always have. I lived my life in such a way that my body was neglected. I didn't give my body the tools it needed to function at an optimum level. Not enough exercise, not enough water, not enough high quality nutrition, too much junk food and empty calories, too much sitting around, or laying in bed. Too many excuses for not getting up and working out, something as simple as going for a walk. I always have an excuse, I'm too tired, I hurt too much, I don't have the time, there is too much cleaning to do, I don't feel like it. Gotta love that last one, I got lazy in coming up with excuses for being lazy. So my reality, it's my fault I look like I could be pregnant. It's my fault that I have a goal that involves losingsome 70 lbs. It's that woman's fault for being rude, but it's not her fault that my body looks such that someone could make the mistake.

So who should I really be mad at? Me? No. I say no because, while it is my fault, and my problem, that is not productive. It would likely only add to the difficulty of what I am working for. I have plans, and I so badly want this, I'm determined, and I'm committed. That to me says: "Things have changed". Something in my thinking changed, something in my attitude changed. I stopped just feeling sorry for myself, and actually sat down to devise the path I need to take to make my goals a reality. I've known what I needed to do for quite some time now. But I didn't WANT to. Why? I didn't want to give up my sleep. I know that sounds silly, but I'm a person who does not sleep well, in fact I never really have. I've gone to multiple doctors about my sleeping problems. I AM tired ALL the time to varying degrees. So that hour of sleep I have given up already is pretty precious. And the extra hour I am going to be giving up over the next 4 weeks is equally as precious. I know it will be hard, I know I will struggle. But I have realized that as I lose the weight the hours that I do sleep for will be worth more to me in the long run. Eventually the "tired all the time" will wear off. I will begin to have energy again. Maybe it will take 10 pounds, maybe it will take 20 pounds, maybe more. But when I get to that point where I can sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, it will be glorious!

Achieving my goals is a big motivator for me. Seeing my progress is also another big motivator, loss of inches and pounds. Slowly getting closer to a healthy BMI, and a slimmer me, priceless. But I know I will have bad days, rough weeks, and many challenges along the way. One of my big goals is to complete each of my 2 month goals through the whole year. To not miss any exercise days (unless very ill), to not miss a single day without my 64 oz of water. 1 year of that, I will be a new me! To get me through the rough times I have a rewards system. I get rewards at certain points in multiple categories. Inches lost, certain weights, certain BMI, percents of my goal completed (10, 25, 50, 75), and I'm thinking at the end of each of my 2 month goal sheets. So far I have completed everything on my current goal sheet. And in some things exceeded my own expectations! I have 1 rule, none of my rewards can be food. I think they will mostly be clothing. Maybe jewelry, or something else I want. I think the reward point I will reach soonest is my first inches lost goal which is 10-13 inches lost! I am at 7 inches lost. I can't wait until the next week I measure.

I plan to post each Friday to report on my completed goals for that week. This morning getting up at 7:30 was hard, really hard. I almost didn't do it, nearly fell back asleep in the bathroom. But I made it to the living room and my YourShape on the xbox kinect. It is definitely a challenging workout so far. I'm using the personal trainer, and I'm seeing improvements even over the last 4 days. I have better coordination to follow the trainer, and I went from 30 cals burned on my second day (first day didn't get through my profile and tutorials) to 52 cals burned today. I can't wait until I have a full 45 mins to exercise.

Oh, and a side note. The size 18P jeans I bought a few weeks ago are falling off me. I walked up the hill in front of our apartment several times this morning. I had to hang on to them. Too much movement and they just start sliding down. That is exciting to me! I need to get a belt of some kind because my size 16P will not yet fit me. I just might crochet myself a belt.

Well that is where my head is at tonight. Like I said a lot to think about, and a lot to be excited about too!