My program has changed yet again! I now only weigh in once per week, on Friday mornings. Then on Friday I have a "cheat" day. I get to eat whatever I want to. At first this idea scared me a little, but I decided to trust my coach and give it a shot. Last Friday was my first "cheat"day, and I have not weighed in yet to find out the results. On Saturday and Sunday I will continue to do my detox which will really help me boost my fat burning.
This week has been crazy though, I spent 14+ hours at the hospital waiting room while my Father-In-Law had a triple by pass done. It was nerve wracking, but he did well! Of course we all know what hospital food is like, and the hours of waiting. I did bring a few things to snack on, whole grain muffins, sugar free candy, fruit. But our exploration of the cafeteria and food court was hugely disappointing. It was far too expensive. We ended up at pizza hut for dinner as it was a short walk away. I had a salad, 1 slice of pizza, 1 bread stick, and 1 scoop of pasta. WAY too much starch! But it is all that was available at the time. I am glad I did not over indulge. We did make an order for take out, my husband a p'zone and myself a chicken milano pasta. A couple of hours later I was hungry again and had a few bites. Most of it is now in my freezer waiting for lunch on Friday.
Unfortunately I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. And for me that is extremely sensitive to stress, and when stressed food. I was feeling fine until we saw my Father-In-Law at the Cardiac ICU for the first time. He was doing so good, still asleep. But he looked so much better. Thats when I started to relax and began to feel the affects of my stress. I didn't realize I had been so anxious. I knew he would be okay eventually, so I wasn't really scared. However, I did not know what that journey would look like, or what he would have to go through to get to the point of being okay. Step 1 was making it through surgery with no complications! I am happy to say that is complete! Step 2 is recovery in the hospital. Admittedly I still feel some anxiety over that, but I have faith we will have him home on Sunday. I'm sure I will deal with a little of my IBS then as well. Step 3 will be his long term recovery, which I am trying not to worry about.
To add to my stress last weekend my apartment flooded due to another tenants leaky hot water heater. We were unable to get the carpet dry enough and now it is moldy. I am really concerned about my husbands allergies while we are waiting to have it replaced. But we have a great landlord and I'm sure it will be done by the end of this week.
So, to make up for my IBS and the food I ate yesterday I am going on my detox, just for today. I am starting to feel better already. And I'm looking forward to weigh in on Friday!
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Showing posts with label IBS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IBS. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Why Monster?
So, I've realized that some of my posts may have sounded like I'm being overly hard on myself. Or made it look like I think negatively about myself. I'm not going to say that my thoughts about myself, particularly my body are always positive, that would be lieing. I've come to realize that even a person with an ideal weight has things about their body they aren't happy with, no one is without insecurities. Some of us just have more than others. But just to clarify, I do NOT hate myself, or my body.
Now that I've said that, why did I decide to call my blog "My 70 Pound Monster"? Well, because those extra 70 or so pounds on my body, feel like a monster in my life. It's the day to day things like not being able to find clothes that both fit and make me feel good. It's the wear and tear on some of my clothes having to stretch and support and cover the extra weight. I have some clothing that is actually painful to wear, and I have no choice but to wear it. And the monster part also refers to the feeling that a cloud is hanging over head. It's called Heart Disease, there are more clouds for diabetes, arthritis, hip replacement/knee replacement, infertility, and the list goes on. I'm sick and tired of living with the question "Is that in my future?" I already have enough health problems, including hypothyroidism, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and yes infertility.
This is a big deal for me to admit, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to face. And it is my Number One motivator. I've done research and I truely believe that a big part of my fertility problems are related to my being overweight, or actually according to BMI in the obese category. Why can some women who out weigh me by a lot have children? I don't know, our bodies are different, my system is apparently more sensitive to my weight, and my over all physical condition. I truely believe that I have been given the motivation to change by God. And if I can control my appetites, and beat my desire to be lazy then I might be able to change that diagnosis. I know it won't be easy, but I ask myself "Do I want the lifestyle that is easy, that got me in the physical condition I am in today, or do I want children?" That is the biggest reason this 70 pounds of extra weight is a monster to me. It could stand in the way of something that I have wanted my whole life, to be a Mom. If I do this and my husband and I still need to adopt then two things will happen. 1. I will know I did everything in my power to make it possible to have our own, and it is God's will. and 2. My children will have a healthy and strong Mother, who can teach them healthy habits to take care of their bodies and have healthy lives.
That is why I am doing this. It's not about thinking I am ugly, and I won't be beautiful until I'm a size 6. And it's not about being hard on myself. It's about doing all I can do to avoid the nightmare of infertility my Doctors told me I would deal with a year and a half ago. It's about taking responsibility for myself and how I feel. And it feels good to be this honest, even if no one reads it, even if I've just put it out there into cyberspace and it's lost forever. I am doing this blog for me, so I am honest with myself about my whole journey, my life, all of it. I do hope that this might help someone else, even one person would be more than worth it. The journey of weight loss, and maintaining your goal is not impossible. Even for those of us with medical conditions that have these labels, the ones that say "cause weight gain" or symptom is "weight gain". We are not bound by these limitations and labels.
P.S. to the dear person that told me I was beautiful the way I am, and not to be hard on myself. Thank you! You made me think a little deeper, and I really needed to do that. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me heart after writing this. xoxoxo
Now that I've said that, why did I decide to call my blog "My 70 Pound Monster"? Well, because those extra 70 or so pounds on my body, feel like a monster in my life. It's the day to day things like not being able to find clothes that both fit and make me feel good. It's the wear and tear on some of my clothes having to stretch and support and cover the extra weight. I have some clothing that is actually painful to wear, and I have no choice but to wear it. And the monster part also refers to the feeling that a cloud is hanging over head. It's called Heart Disease, there are more clouds for diabetes, arthritis, hip replacement/knee replacement, infertility, and the list goes on. I'm sick and tired of living with the question "Is that in my future?" I already have enough health problems, including hypothyroidism, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and yes infertility.
This is a big deal for me to admit, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to face. And it is my Number One motivator. I've done research and I truely believe that a big part of my fertility problems are related to my being overweight, or actually according to BMI in the obese category. Why can some women who out weigh me by a lot have children? I don't know, our bodies are different, my system is apparently more sensitive to my weight, and my over all physical condition. I truely believe that I have been given the motivation to change by God. And if I can control my appetites, and beat my desire to be lazy then I might be able to change that diagnosis. I know it won't be easy, but I ask myself "Do I want the lifestyle that is easy, that got me in the physical condition I am in today, or do I want children?" That is the biggest reason this 70 pounds of extra weight is a monster to me. It could stand in the way of something that I have wanted my whole life, to be a Mom. If I do this and my husband and I still need to adopt then two things will happen. 1. I will know I did everything in my power to make it possible to have our own, and it is God's will. and 2. My children will have a healthy and strong Mother, who can teach them healthy habits to take care of their bodies and have healthy lives.
That is why I am doing this. It's not about thinking I am ugly, and I won't be beautiful until I'm a size 6. And it's not about being hard on myself. It's about doing all I can do to avoid the nightmare of infertility my Doctors told me I would deal with a year and a half ago. It's about taking responsibility for myself and how I feel. And it feels good to be this honest, even if no one reads it, even if I've just put it out there into cyberspace and it's lost forever. I am doing this blog for me, so I am honest with myself about my whole journey, my life, all of it. I do hope that this might help someone else, even one person would be more than worth it. The journey of weight loss, and maintaining your goal is not impossible. Even for those of us with medical conditions that have these labels, the ones that say "cause weight gain" or symptom is "weight gain". We are not bound by these limitations and labels.
P.S. to the dear person that told me I was beautiful the way I am, and not to be hard on myself. Thank you! You made me think a little deeper, and I really needed to do that. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me heart after writing this. xoxoxo
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