Mini Goal 2 Report 5

This week was, well weird. I wasn't feeling well from Tuesday to Friday, and for whatever reason I'm one of those people who gets sick and gains weight. I didn't eat much, certainly not as much as I'm used to, but it messed with me anyway. I gained 1.6 pounds from Monday to Friday. I wasn't very happy about it, but I was determined to do something about it.

Over the weekend I did my 2 day detox as usual. I can't say that I overly enjoy doing the detox. I get a lot more hungry and I'm very tired of baked chicken. But over all it went very well. On Saturday I walked to the grocery store and did my shopping, and walked home with the groceries. It's not that bad, I push the cart home, and then it gets taken back to the store later. I managed to eat all 3 cucumbers that I bought, and some of the broccoli. I still can't make myself eat plain celery, so that is still in my fridge. I do have plans for the coming weekend's detox though. I bought a decent sized pork tenderloin, which I will season on Friday evening and put in the Crockpot over night. It will be a nice change to the dry baked chicken. I also plan to by myself a new flavour of Mrs.Dash. I've gotten very bored with lemon pepper and herb.

Now after I've said all of that my results were fantastic! I lost 3.2 pounds over the weekend, which brings me down into the 190's! I'm so excited about that I can hardly contain myself. It's been nearly 3 years since I have been in the 190's. At 198.4 lbs I am not quite on track with my mini goal, but I have big plans this week to catch up. I will continue with Jillian Michaels:30 day shred. Who is the trainer from both my dreams and nightmares. She is tough, motivating, and just a little scary. There is no way I can quit while doing one of her workouts, I'm convinced somehow she would know and knock on my door at 6:00am and then I would really pay for quitting! LOL yes that sounds completely crazy, but if you've ever done one of her workouts you know what I mean.

By next Monday my target weight is 195.4 lbs. Wow, that is just a little intimidating I must say. Since it means I need to lose 3 pounds this week to catch up. But I think if I stay on track, work hard, and make it through my weekend detox it can be done.

Last night I got to visit with my family over Kinect Video. It was wonderful to see them, even if it was just over the television screen. My father's cast is still very white, which is a shame, someone should sign it. My Mom looked great, but was very tired after working the early shift at work, which meant getting up at 5:30am. My sister was just too beautiful for words. I miss them all so much! The cool thing was they kept telling me how good I look. Part of that might be because they haven't seen me in a year and a half, and we haven't chatted on Kinect Video since Christmas. But they could definitely tell the difference that 17.4 pounds makes! It felt really good to have them notice and be so supportive, even being so far away what I am doing matters to them. That my friends, is what love and family are all about. We're only as far apart as what is in our hearts.

Stats time!
Week 4 of Mini Goal
Lost so far: 7.6 pounds
Left to Goal: 19.4 pounds
Weeks left: 8  including this week.

Ultimate Goal
Week 10
Total Lost: 17.4 pounds
Left to Goal: 53.4 pounds!

Mini Goal Report 3!

This morning's weigh in had me doing a little dance in the bathroom (where I keep my scale)! I lost 1 whole pound from Wednesday's weigh in! That is the first time I have lost that much, and had a loss at the previous weigh in. Every other time I've had a slight gain the WI before, and then a big loss. This time I got a small loss, 0.4 lbs, and then a big loss 1.0 lbs! It feels good to know that all my efforts are making a difference in my life, and I'm making progress towards my goal. I've lost a full 14 pounds in 8 weeks! This mini goal will have me with 36.8 pounds gone forever in 18 weeks. I just don't think it gets much better than that!

This morning I got up and tried the 10 Minute solution Kick box bootcamp workout. I got through the basic training, which was only the first ten minutes. I was pretty winded at that point, so I did not continue. But hopefully I will be vastly improving in my fitness over the next few weeks. Jillian Michaels: 30 Day Shred is on it's way to me from netflix right now. I'm really looking forward to doing it. I'll be honest and say I am a little intimidated, I've heard that it is really hard, and it will take me awhile to get the hang of it. Mostly due to the fact that my coordination at 7 something am is not too good. This morning I stubbled through a few parts, but I made the effort and I didn't get annoyed and quit at the first sign of klumsiness. Which has been my tendency with workout videos in the past.

Over the weekend I plan to walk the dog, or at least play with the dog outside. I have grocery shopping to do. And I am also starting my 2 day detox on Saturday morning! I'm really looking forward to my WI on Monday, where my target weight will be 200.0 lbs. I would love to exceed that, but will be happy if I'm just able to meet it.

Yesterday a friend who is aware of my efforts at losing weight, called me skinny girl. I was speechless, no one has ever used those words to describe me in my life. NEVER! It made me realize just how big of a difference 14 pounds has made in my appearance and how I feel about myself. I'm not quite at the point where I'm comfortable moving down a dress size, mostly because of how tight my current size was before I started losing weight. I think in the next 10 lbs or so all the clothes that I've been hanging on to, but have avoided trying on will be pulled out. And much of what I am wearing now will be removed from my wardrobe.

I've been looking back over the last few days and remembering how I used to look. When I was 175 lbs I still thought I was unbelievably fat, but I felt a lot better about myself because I knew I'd lost 25 lbs. I knew I looked better, but I didn't appreciate how much better. I think of when I was in the 180's and the 190's and I hated it, I was so disgusted with myself and now I can't wait to see what my 190's and then 180's body looks like. Until my 12th grade year I had not been on a scale since I was in the 6th grade. So in all that time I have no idea what I weighed when, and I know my body image was very skewed. That makes it really tough for me to visualise what I will be like at 170, 160, 150 and so on, until I reach my goal. I do know one thing, I want lean and firm muscles. And not just lean and firm abs, although that one might be the biggest challenge. But lean and firm thighs, butt, and arms. I want that general flabby feeling to be exercised out of this body.

I have a huge pet peeve, it's this statement. "weight is just a number." Who came up with something so incredibly wish washy and unhelpful a statement as that? It's an excuse only! It basically says,"don't worry about your weight, feel good about yourself no matter how you look or how healthy you are." Now who would actually come out and say that? Because we all know that how we feel about ourselves is directly connected to what we percieve our appearance to be. How we feel is directly connected to our health, it's hard to be positive and enjoy life if you have no energy or are facing heart disease, diabetes, joint break down, etc. Weight has a direct coorellation to our health, our self-image and body-image. Not to say that making our weight ideal will resolve all health issues, or all self/body image issues. But I do believe, that for the most part it makes it easier. The other key ingredient in feeling good about ourselves and being healthy is having the ability to be real and honest with ourselves without beating ourselves up, or being deraugatory. My weight was a lot easier to face when I started being honest with myself, at that point I was released from shame and embarassment. And I could just accept myself wherever I am in my life.

Stats time!
Mini goal week 2
Lost: 2.8 lbs so far
Left to Goal: 22.8
9 weeks left

Ultimate goal week 8
Lost: 14 lbs
Left to Goal:56.8lbs

Back on Track

So last week with all the eating out really threw me off. I started picking at food here and there that really wasn't in my program. And the funny part is I really didn't enjoy it, I just felt bad. Yesterday I made a trip to Kroger to get all the snacks that I can have and enjoy, fruits and veggies mostly. It was so much easier to have dinner and feel good about what I ate, regular shopping is essential! Monday and Tuesday I did the picking thing, and I ate some things I shouldn't have because I wasn't feeling well. My Weigh in on Wednesday was up 1.4 lbs to 206lbs. I suspect it was related to salt intake.
I'm looking forward to tomorrows Weigh In, because I know that I have eaten right, and made healthy choices for my body, and my goals. It feels good!

Also yesterday was a day for being given awesome things. My friend Angela brought me a ton of clothes, which were really cute. And 6 pairs of jeans! I don't think I've ever owned that many pairs of jeans before. Now I have 12 pairs of pants in various sizes. Right now only 2 pairs fit comfortably, but I am really looking forward to getting into all the other pairs I have. And I've made a vow to myself. I will never again squeeze into a pair of jeans, if they do not do up easily and comfortably they are not going on this body! No way! There's just no reason to wear something that is comfortable and painful.

I'm also excited about discovering Hungry girl Egg Mug recipes, they are going to be so yummy!

Monday's Victory!

Oh yeah! I feel fantastic! I was a little nervous as I stepped onto my scale this morning. Remembering how wonky my weekend was, not having my usual yummy and healthy foods. (the continuous rain on Saturday kept me from restocking) But much to my surprise when the blinking was over the scale read 206.4! Then it went into it's next phase and told me I was down 0.8 from the last time I weighed, which was Friday. This means that from last Monday I lost a FULL 2 POUNDS! I haven't done that since my detox over three weeks ago. That tells me I am doing something right, and things can only get better from here as I continue with my efforts to find the foods my body likes the best.

I don't ever remember a time when I felt this good about myself. I am actually succeeding, and it is not the "nearly impossible day after endless day struggle" that it has always been in the past. Now my best effort actually makes a difference. It's so liberating, I no longer feel like I'm drifting along with the rest of society that is struggling to find the answer to weight loss. Notice I said answer, not quick fix, or secret. It's not a secret! It's just a matter of the proper balance of nutrition so that the body can work and burn efficiently. Eating clean has got to be the best thing for my health that I have ever come across. Here are a few benefits I am seeing already, after just 4 weeks.
1. I sleep better
2. I have less pain
3. I have more energy
4. I have less cravings
5. I have no more headaches
6. Confidence
7. I am losing weight without starving
8. Better able to cope with stress and emotions

Stats
Loss this week: 2 lbs!
Total Loss: 9.4 lbs!
To Goal: 61.4 lbs!

Next week find out how I did with my Goal to walk 1.6 miles every morning with Jabber Jane.

Wednesday's Weigh in!

I'm not going to say that this program is easy. I'm not going to say that I never want something I shouldn't have. And I'm not going to say that I am doing it perfectly (I need to exercise more). But I can say that it is working, it is worth it, and I am happy to be doing it.

As of Wednesday I am 207.6 pounds. I lost 1.4 pounds last week (Monday WI), and another 0.4 lbs from Monday to Wednesday! I feel great, my total loss is 8.2lbs, and I am at the point that I look forward to my weigh in's. I can't wait to see my hard work paying off. Knowing that saying no to that extra piece of cheese, that ice cream or cookies, it was worth it! Seeing the scale go down is so worth denying myself all the things that I know would hinder my progress. Oh and being able to do my belt up tighter and tighter, this week I went from the second loop in my low ridder pants to the third loop. And from the 4th loop in my higher rise jeans to the 5th loop. I am wearing shirts that I haven't worn in a long time, because I feel so much more confident now. I looked in the mirror and thought, "hey, I have a waist!" I can't wait to remember what I look like at 190, 180, 170....and so on. I am thinking that as my clothing becomes too big I will probably do a clothing box listing on Craigslist, so I can get more clothes!

And the diets not all that bad, I do get to have quite a number of foods that I really do enjoy. I am finding that I need to have a cooking day on the weekend so that I have my perfectly balanced meals that can just be heated up. It will making cooking seperately for myself and my hubby much easier.

I've been watching Man V. Food. That might seem like a weird thing to watch when my eating plan is so cut and dry. I simply cannot eat at any of the places he does, if I want to continue to have success. But I enjoy it, I see all that over eating, all the unhealthy foods, and it reminds me of why I am working so hard. I do not want to be a person who would even consider eating the 1.5lb sandwich and 2 gallon milkshake. That is not me! Would I like a small milkshake, and a healthy sized sandwich on whole grain bread, absolutely. And that will be acceptable. It really puts in perspective the disparity in our society from what our bodies need to be healthy, and what habits we foster for pleasure.

I also want to say this. There is nothing I CANNOT eat. I can put anything I want in my mouth, and the day that I find something I want to eat so badly that it is worth foregoing the weight I would lose (or gaining), I'll eat it. Thus far I have not found anything I want to eat that badly. I honestly cannot think of anything that would actually be worth it.

Stats
lost: 1.8 lbs
Total lost: 8.2 lbs
To goal: 62.6

I'm Lazy, yep! But not after today!

So, I decided I'm being a little lax in some ways, and a little crazy in others. My old goal sheet was just crazy, asking way too much of myself. I got overwhelmed, I couldn't keep up cause the changes were too fast, and I quit. I started telling myself "tomorrow I will do it". So I changed my goal sheet, I'm only taking on one month at a time, and here is what it looks like.

Goals! February 2011

1.               Get up at 7:15am Monday-Friday, do 30 min of exercise each morning, 3-5 days per week. Options: walk Jabber Jane, Yoga video, Kinect Game, Other exercise video. Total possible workouts of: 15-20, 450min- 600min.

2.           Walk Jabber Jane (my dog)to Oakwood and back every Saturday. 4 times, 1.3 miles each.

3.           Track my eating habits every day on SparkPeople.com (LynaeG, Shawn28)

4.           Weigh in every Sunday morning.

5.           Take my measurements on 14^th Feb and 28^th Feb (Mondays)

6.           Drink a minimum of 64 oz of water per day. 2 newks cups (32 oz cup that I got at Newks Restaurant-they give them to you), or 4 regular glasses.

7.           Eat my protein bars for breakfast & lunch at least five days a week. Snacks at 10:30am, and 3pm must be healthy (fruits/veg).

8.           Read my Scriptures every single day. Preferably in the morning, or when I have spare time at work.

9.           Pray over all my food!

10.  Write in my blog at least once a week.

11.  Remember that FOOD IS NOT THE ANSWER FOR STRESS!

12.  If I EAT it I WRITE it!

13.  Mini goal-lose 5lbs this month!

ULTIMATE: 145 lbs!

I've also had one other thing in my line of thinking that has changed in a way that I think is significant. I had been doing a food journal and I was successfully losing weight. Then I got lazy. This time I didn't put it in my plan, and well, things are not working all that well. So I am putting it back in my plan. Only I am using a website that I have used in the past which has lots of great tracking tools. sparkpeople.com
I took the time to put what I have eaten so far today into the system. The reason I decided to do this is because I was talking to my Mom a few days ago and she said something that I didn't like, but it stuck. She said the RN at her healthy lifestyles clinic told her that the people he sees that have success do one key thing, they keep a record of what they eat. His rule is, "if you bite it, you write it." UGH more work! That's what I thought at the time. I can't, thats another thought I had. Here's my attitude adjustment. I do believe I can lose this weight, and never find it again. So why don't I believe I can do something so simple as put what I ate into a log? hmmmm cause I'm lazy! Well, time to not be lazy anymore. I added tracking my food on SparkPeople to my list of goals.

Mini goal- Lose 5 Lbs in February.
Starting Weight: 214.0 lbs
Goal Weight: 209.0 lbs
Next Weigh In Feb 6th.
I can do this! I can't wait to work on my goals and see where this new attitude takes me!

Week 3: WI

My Weigh In for week 3! I was pretty happy when I got on the scale and I had another loss! That's three weeks in a row with losses. Down 0.6 pounds! Not a lot, but a whole lot better than gaining, or staying the same. I'm really happy with it.
In three weeks I have lost 2.6 pounds, which has been over holidays and events.
I also completed my goals for last week!
I drank 64 oz of water or more each day!
I got up at 7:30am!
I exercised for 20 min each day!

I am feeling pretty good about myself and my goals. Something I did adjust is my ultimate goal for what time to get up in the morning. It went from 6:30 am to 7:00 am. This week I started my 7:15am goal, and it is hard! I realized that 6:30 is going to be brutal and might be a breaking point for me. So I sat down and made a time schedule for my morning. So I know just exactly how much time I need for my routine in the morning.
7:00 am is when I absolutely must get started. I've also decided that 5 days is not enough time anymore for me to adjust to my changing schedule. I will do 7:15am for three weeks, and then 7:00am. I'm also not in good enough shape to manage a full 30 min of my Kinect Your Shape: Fitness Evolved. So I have new goals, to be more reasonable and set myself up for success!

Stats
Weigh in- 213 pounds
Total Loss- 2.6 pounds!
To first mini goal- 8 pounds!
To final goal- 68 pounds!
Total Fat Calories burned- 9100!

Why Monster?

So, I've realized that some of my posts may have sounded like I'm being overly hard on myself. Or made it look like I think negatively about myself. I'm not going to say that my thoughts about myself, particularly my body are always positive, that would be lieing. I've come to realize that even a person with an ideal weight has things about their body they aren't happy with, no one is without insecurities. Some of us just have more than others. But just to clarify, I do NOT hate myself, or my body.

Now that I've said that, why did I decide to call my blog "My 70 Pound Monster"? Well, because those extra 70 or so pounds on my body, feel like a monster in my life. It's the day to day things like not being able to find clothes that both fit and make me feel good. It's the wear and tear on some of my clothes having to stretch and support and cover the extra weight. I have some clothing that is actually painful to wear, and I have no choice but to wear it. And the monster part also refers to the feeling that a cloud is hanging over head. It's called Heart Disease, there are more clouds for diabetes, arthritis, hip replacement/knee replacement, infertility, and the list goes on. I'm sick and tired of living with the question "Is that in my future?" I already have enough health problems, including hypothyroidism, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, and yes infertility.

This is a big deal for me to admit, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to face. And it is my Number One motivator. I've done research and I truely believe that a big part of my fertility problems are related to my being overweight, or actually according to BMI in the obese category. Why can some women who out weigh me by a lot have children? I don't know, our bodies are different, my system is apparently more sensitive to my weight, and my over all physical condition. I truely believe that I have been given the motivation to change by God. And if I can control my appetites, and beat my desire to be lazy then I might be able to change that diagnosis. I know it won't be easy, but I ask myself  "Do I want the lifestyle that is easy, that got me in the physical condition I am in today, or do I want children?" That is the biggest reason this 70 pounds of extra weight is a monster to me. It could stand in the way of something that I have wanted my whole life, to be a Mom. If I do this and my husband and I still need to adopt then two things will happen. 1. I will know I did everything in my power to make it possible to have our own, and it is God's will. and 2. My children will have a healthy and strong Mother, who can teach them healthy habits to take care of their bodies and have healthy lives.

That is why I am doing this. It's not about thinking I am ugly, and I won't be beautiful until I'm a size 6. And it's not about being hard on myself. It's about doing all I can do to avoid the nightmare of infertility my Doctors told me I would deal with a year and a half ago. It's about taking responsibility for myself and how I feel. And it feels good to be this honest, even if no one reads it, even if I've just put it out there into cyberspace and it's lost forever. I am doing this blog for me, so I am honest with myself about my whole journey, my life, all of it. I do hope that this might help someone else, even one person would be more than worth it. The journey of weight loss, and maintaining your goal is not impossible. Even for those of us with medical conditions that have these labels, the ones that say "cause weight gain" or symptom is "weight gain". We are not bound by these limitations and labels.

P.S. to the dear person that told me I was beautiful the way I am, and not to be hard on myself. Thank you! You made me think a little deeper, and I really needed to do that. I feel like a weight has been lifted from me heart after writing this. xoxoxo

Measurement Monday!

We all know that weighing in is an important aspect of tracking our progress. It helps us know each week how we've done. And it helps to know which habits are good and we should maintain and which are not good and we should work to eliminate or control.
There are lots of other ways of tracking, joining programs, sites, etc. Food journals where we track calories or points.
Here is my new invaluable tracking tool. Measurements! Two weeks ago when I started I took my measurements to get a baseline, my starting point. Now every second week, on Monday I take my measurements again. This is huge for me! And I wish I had done it my first go around last spring. It could have given me the extra boost I needed to keep motivated.
In the last two weeks I lost 7 inches off my body! That's huge! My scale loss of 2 pounds (lost 0.6 this week) did not reflect that, and I would have had no idea.

Here were my baseline measurements.
Bust: 47"
Waist: 42"
Belly button (it is the largest part of my middle, so I decided to measure around it too):49"
Hips:51"
Right thigh:25"
Left Thigh:24.25"
Right Upper Arm:25"
Left Upper Arm:24.25"

New Measurements!
Bust: 46", loss of 1"
Waist: 41", loss of 1"
Belly Button: 48", loss of 1"
Hips: 50", loss of 1"
Right Thigh: 23.75", loss of 1.25"
Left Thigh: 23.25", loss of 1"
Right Arm: 13.5", loss of 0.5"
Left Arm: 13.25", loss of 0.25"

It feels so good to know that what I have done has made a difference! It's also good to see my own reality. It's hard to live healthy and reach goals if you don't know where you started, and then where you are at. Huge Tip, If you want to change something about your life or yourself do not be afraid of reality!
I've spent most of my life fearing the scale, or any other measurement of my body. I simply did not want to know! That attitude is part of what got me where I am today. Fear does not enable progress, it holds us back and weighs us down (in my case literally). Courage, determination, and resolve are what I need to change my body and my habits. And yes, facing this reality does take courage.
It's not as if I was unaware of the state of my body, every mirror, every article of clothing, every shopping trip, every ache and pain. All of it reminded me of the state of my body. But going through life adapting, ignoring it, just making do, is not facing it. I feel better since I have taken measure of myself, it is liberating. I have freedom!

Stats:
213.6 pounds, loss of 0.6
68.6 pounds to go!
Total loss: 2.0 pounds
8lbs to first goal!
inches lost: 7!
3-6" to first goal!